We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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