i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
