He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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