You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this just has baby written all over it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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