today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
