Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
