My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
