haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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