somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
