if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
