I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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