i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
