It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
