I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
