why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
