Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
