Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
