but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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