So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
