people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
