It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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