the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He has the fingertips of a God
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