Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
