I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That's how pantless uber rides happen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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