TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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