Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
