I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
