I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
