My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
