DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I believe in your delicious
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
