1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
