I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
