i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
