Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
