After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't turn off my feet"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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