Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Watching her eat just hurts me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
