I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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