I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
