You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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