do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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