Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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