dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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