Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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