We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
