good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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