Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
