Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
