I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
