covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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