He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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