he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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