I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
